co-founder, teamI have cofounded a startup several years ago and valued it above anything else. I tend to get really passionate about things I love. All my life was inside this startup. I put more energy and effort than the CEO. But then we ran out of money, and the problems began. We discovered fundamental differences in our mindsets, values, and goals. I got kicked out from the team.
This is when I discovered that this startup was an essential part of my identity. When networking, I was presenting myself as “<name> from <company X>, we are working on <project Y>”. I felt like I was on a mission.
Now, I have to rewrite my personal branding, and I struggle with it. I am still attached to the old project. Even now, I tend to talk to everyone about this startup.
Just out of passion, I started doing small tasks for them again, for low pay, as a freelancer (not a core team member). That’s because I didn’t want to give up on this project.
But I am not delusional and I understand that I have to find my own life.
What are the best practices of dealing with this situation?
This is very much like dealing with grief. Essentially you had a vision of your future and it involved that particular start up. Now you have to live your life without that particular future as a possibility. much like dealing with any absense.
What you need is:
Time to process. This is the best healer for most situations of absence.
To talk about it: This is how we process. Lay the mental groundwork and limit the likelihood that trauma will stick around and turn into things like PTSD (I’m not saying it would in this case, just letting you know how talking spreads trauma thinner and is good for our mental health in these cases)
find something to replace it with. This one can sound callous and cold. However, at the very least it acts as a distraction while you give yourself time to talk about it. At best, it actually fills the gap that is missing. This does not have to be another startup. It can be a hobby, a partner, a pet, a computer game…
I hope this helps. It is applicable in many situations.
(Full disclosure: My significant other is a therapist and consulted on this answer ;) )
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