psychology, sexualWhen I was 34 years old, I was single and life circumstances led me to realize several outstanding issues, including sexual freedom. I carried all kind of sexual situations with absolute freedom, feeling fulfilled.
Now, I have been living with a woman and our two children for the last 5 years. I’m a loyal person and I don’t like to cheat or lie, but I can’t avoid the impulse to give free rein to my sexual needs with other women, or the feeling that I want to free myself in this way.
The question is: is possible to channel sexual desire into something else in order to mitigate this need and anxiety? Or can libido and sexual desire only be channeled through sex?
While Tom’s answer is certainly right and masturbation can definitely be a way to go here, as can nonmonogamy, if that’s not what you’re getting at, then maybe re-channeling your sexual desire into a creative outlet is a possibility.
Sublimation, as it’s called, often gets a bad rap and I don’t know that there are any conclusive indications of whether it’s 100 percent effective in the long term, but it’s not an uncommon way for many people to deal with undesirable emotions or urges.
For example, if you’re angry you might take it out on an inanimate object; no one gets hurt and in the end you might feel at least a little better.
Same principle with sexual urges. You can try re-directing those desires towards something creative or constructive (not that sex can’t fall into those categories, but you know what I mean).
However it seems as if you’re talking about persistent urges and sometimes there is no easy fix for those. If monogamy is non-negotiable in your relationship it may just be something you have to come to terms with.
You could channel your sexual desire into masturbation. It might help but ultimately you will still want to have sex with other people. There isn’t a magic bullet to stop you wanting the things you want.
There is no reason why loving one person and having sex with other people are mutually exclusive. Plenty of people have healthy happy open relationships. Its not cheating if you have your partners permission.
First the short answer, talk with your partner.
Now, the long answer…
Adding to the answer of @Tom and @bird, masturbation can also become an nightmare if it gets out of control, because you will “think” (in reality your not, as this is one of you can run, but can’t hide) that your hiding something, and become addicted in that feeling…
So, the best answer might be, tell the truth to your partener, be open about what you fell, so that both of you can find a solution you (as in you and her) may even realize that something is not so perfect in your relationship and find ways to improve it.
I can also agree about the communication part. It is absolutely crucial in a relationship no matter the topic/problem.
My ex is channelling her sexual frustration into creative processes like painting or writing.
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