Sexuality Stack Exchange Archive

Why does anal sex hurt?

• posted by: Tom O’Connor on 2012-01-11
• tagged: anal-sex
• score: 11

Common answers include:

• Are you using enough lube? - Yes.
• Is the top hung like a donkey? - No.
• Are you relaxed? - Yes

Then why does it still hurt like buggery?

Answer 27

• posted by: Moof on 2012-01-11
• score: 12

Bottoming 101: A good primer on how to bottom and get pleasure out of it, from a man with experience…

It’s a very long blog post, and very extensive, so here are a few bullet points relevant to the question:

• It will probably hurt initially. Depending on practice it will get easier
• Your anal sphincters are muscles, and much like any muscle in the body they can be trained, and can be overstretched or abused.
• Patience is key, take your time, it’s not a race or a contest. Make sure the person who is inserting whatever into your anus also understands this. It’s OK to stop and start.
• Relax. One of your two anal sphincters is involuntary, so you need to subconsciously allow yourself to submit to the penetration. If you’re uptight, or worried, or convinced it’s gonna hurt then it will, so just let things happen, and take it easy. Take all the time you need.
• Try focussing on breathing, it will clear your mind and you’ll stop worrying so much on what’s happening down there. Exhale when things go in.
• Try to become more aware of what your anal muscles are doing, maybe perform some visualisation exercises
• If it hurts whilst penetrating, hold it there, don’t try to push it out.
• Practice makes perfect

And finally and most importantly:

• It’s OK to not be a bottom, there is no social norm that say you have to be one, some people just naturally can’t cope with things up there. Maybe you’re just one of them.

Answer 20

• posted by: Tom Squires on 2012-01-11
• score: 2

I think the issue here is you are going straight for sex. Don’t start with full blown sex, try with a finger or a very small vibrator. After a few sessions you can start to build up to larger toys. Only try full blown sex when you are comfotable masterbating with a penis sized object. Even then take it slow and start with something small to get you ready. With anal, the best way to avoid hurting is to take it slow and use lots of lube

Answer 21

• posted by: voretaq7 on 2012-01-11
• score: 1

Well the humorous answer would be because it is buggery…

In seriousness the answer is probably similar to “Why is vaginal intercourse painful the first time?” – A new sensation that your body isn’t prepared for, combined with tissues that are not normally accustomed to stretching, or at least not for the length of time anal sex would last.

To reduce the chance of pain (and injury) some “warm up” exercises may be in order, using fingers or toys. Also consider trying other lubricants: there are many brands, and many different properties. The original water-based Astroglide is known for its lubricity and resistance to drying out.

Answer 23

• posted by: Hobblin on 2012-01-11
• score: 1

The problem is probably tensing up too much because of fear or insecurity, relaxing and being turned on is just as, or even more, important than lube (lube is still required in most cases tho).

---

All content is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.