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How is it possible to handle more than one partner in a good way?

How is it possible to handle more than one partner in a good way?

Both in a sexual encounter together with three or mote people and when you have more than one sexual encounter but not in the same time.

Answer 153

OK, I’m going to try and cover this, but it is quite a broad question.

GOLDEN RULES

Honesty - Say what you are looking for, don’t offer more than you can give

Self Awareness - Know yourself, your limits, orientation and whether you really, really want this.

Communicate - Talk to all partners invovled, preferably together, so everyone is clear on what is going on. Give your expectations up front and LISTEN to what other people are saying.

Think - Don’t let the idea of Hot Threesomes cloud your judgement. Take time to decide whether this is the best thing for you, for your partner and for the other people involved.

Plan - How and what are you going to do? Whose house? Are you staying the night? Are you going to a club together? Will there be alcohol / drugs - are you cool with that? Who is handling the contraception, what barrier methods are going to be used? Is it “just” sex or will there be BDSM play?

There are a few options for multiple partners.

ONE OFFS

One Night Stands - Either as a couple or as a single person hooking up with a couple. Naturally, there will be an element of weirdness as you are all new to each other and the sex therefore may Not As Advertised. Take time to get to know people and make sure that someone else knows where you are going to be that night (safety first, kids!).

Orgies / Sex parties / Swinging Parties / BDSM clubs - Read the house rules. If anything is unclear, check beforehand. Follow the dress code and the play code (if there is one) and follow protocol.

ONGOING RELATIONSHIPS

This is a MASSIVE topic. Basically you are looking to have an ongoing relationship (not just fucking, but with emotions and all that jazz) with more than one person. This means you will get ALL the good and bad bits of a monogamous relationship, multiplied.

There are loads of ways to do this. Use the golden rules and decide for yourselves what works for you. This will not stay fixed - relationships will grow and develop. And you will grow and develop too! Along the way there WILL be problems - like in any relationship - jealousy, loneliness (yes, really), upsets…

But the rewards are amazing.

Here’s a few handy links:

Ethical Slut - useful book to read http://www.amazon.de/Ethical-Slut-Infinite-Sexual-Possibilities/dp/1890159018

Opening Up - good book on opening your relationship up to others http://www.amazon.de/Opening-Up-Creating-Sustaining-Relationships/dp/157344295X

Good community and organisation for all things poly! http://www.polyday.org.uk/

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