orgasm, sex-toys, vibrator, addictionNumerous websites, articles, and rumors mention the possibility that prolonged and repeated use of a vibrator, particularly by women, can create a dependency on the vibrational sensations to achieve orgasm. Simply put, that if you use a vibrator too much, you’ll stop being able to have an orgasm with one.
Is there any evidence that suggests this is true, either for women or for men? And if supporting evidence does exist, is this a common phenomenon, one which people should be aware of and take action to prevent, or is it a rare and unlikely development?
I've been looking for at least 20 years for any solid research that supports this idea, but there does not appear to be any scientific basis for it. It seems to be one of those false but plausible-sounding factoids that floats around the internet and just won't die.
However, there does seem to be a broad consensus among sexologists, sex therapists, and sex educators that the answer is "No." There are no known cases where a woman who could previously have orgasms without a vibrator has lost that ability because of reliance on a vibrator.
One of the most respected experts in the younger generation in this field is Dr. Emily Nagoski, and she put it like this in Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life (p.288):
The concern people most often bring to me about vibrators is that they'll get "addicted" to them, but it doesn't happen. Here's what does happen: Orgasm with vibrators occurs relatively quickly for many women because a vibrator provides a high intensity of stimulation. And some women get very comfortable with how quickly they orgasm with their vibrator, which leads them to forget how long it took without the vibrator. And when they get frustrated by how long that takes, the frustration makes it take even longer.
(I strongly recommend that book, by the way. I've read a lot the books in this field, and this is the best single volume on women's sexuality that I've found. Whether you're a woman or you're someone who loves women, it's a great read. It's often funny, but it's always solidly grounded in real science, not hokum.)
In my own discussions with women, this is a minor factor or a non-issue for most. It seems to happen mainly for women who are hard-driving, impatient, and constantly in a hurry. It's not that they have become "dependent" on vibrators for arousal, but rather that they are impatient with their own bodies and resent how long it takes to get an orgasm without mechanical help. That impatience and resentment then delays or shuts down the orgasm. Often they simply need to be reminded to slow down and set aside enough time for slower, more leisurely sex, whether it's solo or with a partner.
But for the vast majority of women who do use vibrators, they're a blessing. One of the oldest rules in sex therapy for women is that the more orgasms a woman has had, the easier it is [for her] to have more. For a pre-orgasmic woman with a relatively high threshold who is looking for her first orgasm, it's almost always a vibrator that makes it possible. Once she's had the first, the next is easier, and so on, until finally she can have an orgasm from manual stimulation and/or oral sex, and so on.
There are also many, many women who cannot have an orgasm just from vaginal sex. Getting to orgasm with a partner may require a longish session of manual and oral sex before transitioning to vaginal sex, but there often isn't time for that. As a result, men who want to be good lovers and who have partners who fit this profile are increasingly incorporating a vibrator into the preliminaries and using it to help give their partners that first orgasm. Once she's had that first one with the vibrator, additional orgasms come much more easily without it.
On a personal note, it's been many years since my partner and I even considered having a quickie without a vibrator, because we know I won't get any orgasms at all without either much more time or a power assist. But by using a vibrator to help me have a quick orgasm or two at the start, my partner can almost always give me at least one more orgasm during the vaginal sex that follows. We normally take the time to have sex in a more leisurely way, but like many busy couples, sometimes we have to take what we can get.
To sum it up:
No, using a vibrator will not increase a woman's orgasmic threshold or make it physically or neurologically harder for her to have normal orgasms. In reality, using a vibrator is typically a bridge to normal orgasms, making them easier to have.
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