male, health, erectionsI never know if “blue balls” is something I should actually worry about. There are times when my husband is raring to go and I am just not in the mood. I never let him “guilt” me into sex (he does try sometimes - but always feels guilty about it later, out of the moment) but I do wonder if there are actual medical concerns we should be considering. Is my sending him off to the shower to cool down and/or take care of himself hurting anything but his ego?
Absolutely, there is such a thing. From wikipedia:
Blue balls is a slang term for the condition of temporary fluid congestion (vasocongestion) in the testicles accompanied by testicular pain, caused by prolonged sexual arousal in the human male without ejaculation. The term is thought to have originated in the United States, first appearing in 1916. Some urologists call the condition “epididymal hypertension”. The condition is not experienced by all males.
But if your husband is “taking care of himself,” then there’s clearly no need for concern, as ejaculation (whether due to intercourse, masturbation, or a “wet dream”) will “cure” blue balls.
As for your question of “does it hurt that much?”–that’s pretty difficult to answer. What is “that much”? Does it hurt? From personal experience, yes. How much? More than a mosquito bite, less than falling off a bicycle.
There is indeed something called blue balls, which can happen after prolonged sexual arousal, since during an erection less blood circulates through the testicles. The reduced oxygen levels are what supposedly causes some blueish discoloring. It does become painful, but when erection goes down, the problem solves itself quite soon.
It is not something to worry about medically, unless you tie off the scrotum (technique used for castration), where prolonged and complete cutoff from the bloodstream will cause the testicles to die off.
In any case, it’s no excuse at all for engaging in sexual activity under pressure, or against your will or desire. I think it’s quite important to separate the notion off consensual sex from a man’s supposed “need” for sex.
Last things first: Nothing I’m about to say changes the fact that it is unacceptable to guilt trip someone into having sex when they aren’t willing to do so. Your husband is causing the problems, not you.
#The Technical Data:
There are at least two medical terms for blueballs: “Testicular Vasocongestion” and “Epididymal Hypertension”.
From an article found on the University of California at Santa Barbara website:
What Causes Epididymal Hypertension?
When a man becomes sexually aroused, the arteries that carry blood to his genitals enlarge, while the veins that leave the genital area constrict, allowing less blood to escape. This uneven rate of blood flow increases the quantity and pressure of blood flow and traps it in the genital area. This pressure is responsible for producing an erection and making the testes swell to be 25-50% larger than their normal size. If an orgasm is achieved, the blood vessels will return to their normal size and the volume of blood in the genitals quickly returns to its normal level. By contrast, if a man does not have an orgasm, blood in the genitals builds up through a process called vasogongestion and may create sensations of heaviness, aching, or discomfort.
Epididymal hypertension usually does not last long and often the pain associated with blue balls is minor. Many men may become frustrated when they get an erection during sexual activity, but do not achieve orgasm. This frustration and failure to ejaculate can add psychological stress to physical discomfort, making blue balls seem even worse. Men who feel pressure to ejaculate every time that they are aroused may attempt to coerce an unwilling partner into participating in sexual activity leading to his own climax.
How is Epididymal Hypertension Treated?
The simplest remedy for blue balls is orgasm and ejaculation. Masturbation is often the most viable way to achieve this orgasm, especially if one’s partner does not want to have sex. Testicular pain may dissipate slowly after orgasm, or on its own once the individual is no longer aroused. Realizing that ejaculation is not a requirement for all sexual situations can help partners become more comfortable together and experience better sexual intimacy.
From the website of a Urologist named Dr. Neil Baum:
Blue Balls-Sex and Painful Testicles
Blue balls are not just a figment of a male’s imagination or a lame excuse to try and get you in the sack. Though it doesn’t happen to all men, it is a very real condition that results from a prolonged state of sexual arousal. When a guy is physically turned on, blood flows to his penis, which is what gives him an erection, which is a good thing, and his testicles, causing them to swell, not such a good thing! If he doesn’t ejaculate, there is a buildup of pressure, and his supersensitive testicles start to hurt. The sensation can range from a mild ache to worse-than-getting-kicked-in-the-crotch pain.
Bottom line: Blue balls are not dangerous, and a young man can resolve it. The easiest solution is for the man to masturbate as an orgasm and ejaculation will cause the congestion in the penis and scrotum to abate. Just as the erection will subside after an ejaculation, the congestion around the testicles will also subside and the pain will go away. If the young man has an aversion to masturbation, then just waiting it out is also a solution as the blood will eventually drain, and any discomfort will disappear on its own.
Another entry from Dr. Baum:
Men who believe that they should ejaculate every time they have an erection are likely to exert pressure on their partner to proceed with sex without taking her feelings into consideration.
Some men find that masturbation is a viable solution and are realizing that ejaculation is not a requirement in every sexual situation. This attitude allows both men and their partners to relax more and to learn that pleasure and meaning can exist without having to reach ejaculation and orgasm during every sexual encounter.
#Are You Doing Something Wrong?
Absolutely not. If your husband is anything like me, it takes a lot to cause blueballs. If you’re being candid with him and letting him know that you’re not in the mood, he should stop doing the things that lead to blueballs. In my own experience, it was much easier to get blueballs when I was a teenager ravaged by his own hormones. Now that I’m an adult, it is much more difficult to get blueballs. The last time it happened, I had been “dry humping” for an hour or more. The point is this: He doesn’t just get blueballs at the drop of a hat. He has to work at it for a significant amount of time before he’s at risk of blueballs.
This being the case, and assuming that you are being open and honest about not wanting to have sex, the blame for his blueballs lies squarely on his own shoulders. He did it to himself. I don’t want to make any wild assumptions, but it seems that if you’re telling him that you aren’t in the mood, and he is still managing to give himself blueballs, he is probably pushing way too hard, and not listening to what you’re saying. If a woman told me that she didn’t want to have sex, I would accept it and move on. I certainly wouldn’t keep dry humping her, especially not for so long that I got blueballs. You might want to tell your husband to pay more attention to what you want and don’t want. The fact that he “feels guilty” after the fact is no excuse, and it doesn’t change the fact that he was ignoring your desires and needs.
I wouldn’t worry too much about your husband’s suffering, because it is temporary and probably not as serious as menstrual pains, but especially because he should be able to control how worked up he lets himself become. If you are being forthcoming about not being in the mood, and he still gets himself all hot and bothered, he has only himself to blame.
In short, you aren’t to blame for your husband’s apparent lack of self control, and in any case, there are no long term health effects related to frequent blueball episodes. It’s no more serious than any other situational pain not caused by an actual injury. It is very uncomfortable, but not really harmful.
Note: I’m hesitant to say this, because as I have already said, under no circumstances should anyone ever try to coerce, cajole, or guilt trip someone into having sex against their will, and by the same token, you aren’t obligated to do anything to prevent your husband from getting himself so excited that he ends up with blueballs.
However, I don’t think it is going too far to say this: The most you can do is to make sure he knows when he isn’t going to get any, so he doesn’t get himself all riled up. But again, it isn’t your responsibility to make sure he doesn’t get carried away.
All content is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.