oral-sex, sexual-feelingsRecently, I heard that one of the best ways to reach orgasm is fellatio.
My question: How can I bring up the idea with my partner to do that for me?
Because some people think that fellatio is disgusting.
There is no way to make sure some sexual practice will happen.
The best way to try something new is by specifically asking to try said practice.
Keep in mind that trying to get your partner to do something they find disgusting is something you shouldn’t do.
If your partner wants to try something you don’t like (for whatever reason) you could find an agreement in trying both and evaluating afterwards whether you and your partner enjoyed it or not.
If your partner insists on not trying something out, then you’ll have to live with that.
This is something many people don’t like doing. A way you can try is to do it yourself to your partner and then they can do it for you. Quid pro quo. If they enjoy it themselves, they would be more willing to do it to you.
Also, I would suggest not to push someone too much for this. I mean, if someone pushed me to do something that I didn’t like and/or found disgusting, I would leave them.
Maybe it would be interesting to find out what is actually disgusting for him/her. Is it the act of putting your penis/vagina (pick one) into his/her mouth? Is it because he/she thinks it is dirty? If so, you could maybe suggest to try in the shower at first.
What I am trying to say is that you should try to understand what is the reason for the refusal, and work with that by compromising and reassuring him/her that it also can be not disgusting.
##Issues Raised by Your Question:
If you’re not comfortable talking about fellatio with your partner, it might be advisable to wait until you are more comfortable. Sex is ideally supposed to be intimate, and in my own experience, it is best when there is a strong bond between the parties involved.
I might be playing devil’s advocate here, but it seems to me that if you aren’t comfortable talking about a sexual act with your significant other, it is at least possible that you should reconsider your desire to do the thing that you can’t even talk about.
If you are sure you are ready for it, and that your partner is important enough to you to make it a good idea, it should be relatively easy to discuss it with him or her.
##What Not to Do:
The original wording of your question raised some red flags for me, because you said you wanted to “convince” your partner to perform fellatio, which makes it sound like the other person isn’t entirely willing to do it. If you start the conversation with your significant other from a position of trying to persuade them, you might have some trouble. Being cajoled or harangued into doing something is not a pleasant experience, and even if you succeeded in “convincing” him or her to perform fellatio, he or she wouldn’t enjoy it as much as he or she could have if there was no pressure involved.
##What You Might Want to Do:
I would suggest that you simply sit down with your partner and talk about what you are interested in doing with him or her. If you do so in a respectful manner, showing your sympathy for him or her, and making it clear that you respect their wishes and reservations about it, you should do well. As long as you stick to a respectful and understanding frame of mind, the worst that can happen is that your partner says “no”, which is, of course, his or her prerogative.
Alternatively, you could try to instigate oral sex during your next encounter with your partner. It is frequently the case that some people who are embarrassed or intimidated by the idea of engaging in certain sexual acts find it easier to overcome their hesitation when they are in the heat of the moment, so to speak, and especially if they receive the sexual act before they have to perform it, rather than having to “go first”1. If you start the process by offering to perform fellatio or cunnilingus on your significant other, he or she may find the prospect of returning the favor less embarrassing or intimidating.
##What if the Answer is “No”:
##The most important thing to remember is that, should your partner say “no” to the idea of performing fellatio, you have to accept it and move on. At some later date, he or she may change his or her mind, but you have no right to try to force him or her to do something he or she doesn’t want to do.
On a side note, I know that the situation varies from one place to another, as well as from one person to the next, but in my personal experience, very few people today find fellatio “disgusting”, especially among the younger generation, who grew up with the interwebs and all the sexual content that comes with it.
1 This should not be taken to mean that someone who has just received a sexual favor is obliged to return it. I am merely saying that if someone is reluctant to perform a sexual act because they are embarrassed or intimidated by the prospect, the embarrassment and intimidation may be lessened by having someone perform the same act first, thereby making it less of a big deal. The same idea applies to the people hired by nightclubs to start dancing as soon as the club opens. People are often reluctant to be the first person to do something that could be considered embarrassing, especially if they think they’ll be the only person doing it; this is why it is much harder to be the first person on the dance floor than it is to be the 40th person on the dance floor.
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