Is it worth it to announce your atheism to family and friends?
- posted by: Casey R on 2010-12-15
- tagged:
family, coming-out
- score: 11
It doesn’t come up too often, but I’ve found that when a friend has asked what religion I ascribe to, I’ve answered “Nothing, I’m an Atheist.” Then comes the questions, which usually leads to incredulity, then sometimes a difference in how I’m treated.
My family is very religious (Christian/Catholic) and I’ve felt that’s its not even worth the time/effort to state my position on the matter. I’m also fearful of getting treating like I’ve ruined the family’s name.
Has announcing your atheism to family and friends been worth these potential issues? How did you do it?
Answer 550
This question comes up every couple of days on Reddit. Here are some of the usual answers:
- If you’re a dependent minor, living at home, hoping for scholarship money and so forth, and if you expect the brown stuff to badly hit the fan if you reveal your secret, then - don’t! There’s not a heck of a lot to be gained with your honesty, and quite possibly a lot of bad will gained.
- Similarly, if your boss at work is a horrible Christian bigot, it might behoove you to keep your faith to yourself. Sure, discrimination on religious grounds is illegal and you may be able to sue successfully - but you may also be out of a job.
- In either situation, be wary of religious “friends.” Atheists sharing their “secret” have often been betrayed by people they hoped would guard that secret.
- If you’re your own person and don’t stand to suffer in your life circumstances from a revelation, then it’s up to you. Certainly it would be great for atheism for lots of atheists to “come out,” but we don’t advocate hurting people needlessly or causing lifelong controversies. On the other hand, if you’re a very honest person and the “atheist question” keeps coming up and making things uncomfortable for you, you may find coming out to be a helpful and freeing thing to do.
- If the non-atheist in question is your Significant Other or spouse, you really should get this question out into the open sooner rather than later. The longer a relationship goes on in the shadow of wildly differing opinions about faith the bigger the potential damage later on. Consider a wide range of possible problems with in-laws and with the children you may pan to have.
- Coming out to friends is usually OK, especially if they’re in no position to destroy your life by snitching. If they’re your friends they should be able to accept your views, and you may even help them de-convert. If they go bananas on you, maybe they weren’t your friend?
Finally, since it’s your belief, you get to pick the label. Here are some considerations:
- If you don’t believe in (any) god, you’re an atheist. Good for you, but be aware that atheists, under that name, suffer from some horribly bad PR. Now that it’s no longer politically correct to espouse hatred for Jews, the Catholic Church’s enemy #1 is atheism. The Pope never neglects to throw some bile at us, and other churches and clerics follow suit. As a result of this relentless campaign, “atheist” is a word that incites anger.
- Chances are you’re not 100% sure there is no god, since logic says there’s no proof. So you’re 99.9% sure? OK, you qualify as an “agnostic atheist,” and the way the word is used these days, you can call yourself an agnostic, even if “agnostic” is more of an adjective than a noun. “Agnostic” doesn’t have quite the bad rap that “atheist” does, so if you want to soften the blow while getting the same message across, “agnostic” is the thing to call yourself.
- You don’t have to label yourself: You can say “I don’t believe” or “I’ve lost my faith”. That makes you sound like more of a victim than an evildoer, but beware of the well-meaning folks who may then try to “help” you find your faith again!
- Atheists sometimes call themselves freethinkers. That sounds nice and positive, but to many folks it also has a Communist ring to it.
- Finally, a nice positive label is humanist or maybe secular humanist. Sounds like a tree-hugging kind of heathen, but who’s going to badmouth you for standing up for humanity?
Answer 553
I think the truth — one of the greatest things one may leverage to gain other’s people confidence and stay fair with yourself. If it’s possible, announce ASAP, you won’t be caught up on holding something back.
I liked the George Carlins quote:
Reminds me of something my grandfather used to say. He used to say “I’m going upstairs and fuck your grandmother.” Well, he was an honest guy, you know? He wasn’t going to bull-shit a 4 year old.
I don’t know about public mood as to religion in your country, but it’s pretty democratic here, in Russia, and I wouldn’t hesitate more than a minute to tell what views I have, occasionally trying to persuade the opponent to become an atheist! ;-)
Answer 708
- posted by: HeDinges on 2010-12-16
- score: 1
Well yes, But depending your environment/culture you live in It could be not well accepted, or even worse.
Would I dare to make a parallel, It’s quite similar as ‘the coming out’ for homosexuals, If everybody always hided it because they would be afraid of others reaction, …then they would still be prosecuted and living in fear at the margins of society. As its still the case in parts of the world today.
So, if you think society should progress then yes, you will have to stand up for your viewpoint. All this in openness and respect of other opinions, but don’t go for confrontation with family.
Ok, well that’s all easier said than done :)
But the world is a place of diversity, and mono-cultures are toxic for the mind. So don’t get intoxicated :)
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