religionSome religions attempt to remove the self esteem of its followers, claiming that only through following their instructions can there be any hope. Also they use clever mind games to reinforce this. For example insisting that thinking about things is wrong but that with “faith” things will work out for the best. What parallels can be found between religion and abusive an relationships? Are there religions to which this does not apply?
I actually used this parallel on a theist once.
She said “I don’t understand why you don’t want god’s love. He’s giving you a gift! Why would you reject love? And he’s offering it freely. You accept or don’t of your own free will. Nobody’s forcing you!”
I responded thus:
“It’s not a gift. It’s not a choice. God is saying ‘if you love me, everything will be great. And if you don’t, you’re going to suffer forever.’ Think about it this way:
Imagine you’re dating this guy. He showers you with jewelry, takes you out for fancy dinners, buys you the latest electronics. But he also insults you, belittles you, tells you you’re stupid, tries to cut you off from your friends, doesn’t want you to vote or have a job, and is pressuring you to get married and have children as soon as possible.
So you eventually decide to leave. And he says ‘Sure, go ahead, there’s the door. You can leave any time. But you should know that my buddies Vinny and Joey the Hammer and Petey are waiting for you on the stoop with baseball bats, and if you go out that door, they’re going to break your knees and bash your face in.’
And you say ‘That’s horrible! Why would you tell them to do that?’
And he says ‘Because I love you. I’m here to protect you from them. All you have to do is stay right here and love me and do exactly what I tell you to do, all the time. You’ll be safe from Vinny and the boys if you stay right here in this apartment and love me.’
So tell me, are you going to leave? Are you going to go out of the apartment? Because that’s exactly what god is telling you. You can be a good girl, and love him and obey him and worship him, and choose it freely. But if you freely choose to go downstairs and leave him, Vinny and the boys will break your legs.
That’s not a choice at all. And I won’t love a god who sets up his ‘worship’ as a choice between debasing myself before an abuser or being tortured.”
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