cultural-identity, church, adviceThere are some occasions (weddings/funerals) where even atheists will want to go to church because people close to them are “affected” by the ceremony.
What do you think are some guidelines to follow, whereby you can stay true to your own convictions, but also not be a jerk and hurt other people feelings and beliefs.
Do you stand/sit/kneel when told to do so?
Do you sing along with the church songs? Do you just move your lips as if singing?
During prayers: Do you fold your hands and pretend to be also praying?
In catholic church: Do you refuse communion bread? Even if it’s offered to you directly?
In general, when in church the main thing you want to do is be respectful of the traditions and beliefs of the congregation. If you follow that rule, you will be fine. But, to elaborate and answer your specific questions:
- Do you stand/sit/kneel when told to do so?
Yes. Just do what everyone else is doing. (Sometimes in Catholic church old people will not kneel, but that’s just cuz they are old) The reason for this is you don’t want to be distracting to the other people at the service.
- Do you sing along with the church songs? Do you just move your lips as if singing?
This is your personal choice. Don’t sing loud if you don’t know the words. You don’t have to pretend to sing at all if you don’t want to. Just stay quiet and listen.
- During prayers: Do you fold your hands and pretend to be also praying?
If you are not praying, I feel it is most respectful to bow your head and fold your hands. Don’t think of it as pretending to pray, think of it as being pensive while others pray. In general, just be quiet and non-distracting. You are not required to stand in any particular way, feel free to look around if you like, but sometimes a bit of introspection can feel good.
- In catholic church: Do you refuse communion bread? Even if it’s offered to you directly?
This one has already been covered. Don’t take it. Just stay in the pew. Many people that didn’t receive their first communion and are Catholic will not even take communion.
No, you shouldn’t take communion at a Catholic church (assuming you are trying to play nice). Even Catholics aren’t supposed to in some cases (haven’t gone to confession, too young, etc). Whenever I’ve been to mass, there are usually several people who stay in their seats and don’t go to the altar for communion, some probably of other faiths or atheists.
Then again, if you’ve never eaten human flesh or drunk human blood, you may want to try it!
When I’ve gone to church, I just try to blend in by standing or sitting at the right time, but I don’t go so far as singing or praying or pretending to.
Sit quietly and politely. I don’t kneel, sing, or take the magic cracker. I will stand out of respect for the wedding/funeral/baptismal etc. party, but not for the imaginary friend.
During one particularly painful baptism, I had to spend the time imagining I was a Starfleet captain on some alien planet, witnessing the natives perform some esoteric ritual of their local beliefs. But that kept me quiet, polite, and present, so whatever works…
Most marriages, burials i recently went to, the Priest explicitly tells that the Communion is only for the believers, which makes sense.
So, all other stuff you should/can participate i you are invited to do so and if you can (don’t sing if you don’t know the song). All this in a respectful way.
I sit and stand, but don’t kneel. During prayers, I just stand quietly with my eyes open - but I sing along with gusto to the hymns. Why not - they’re often great tunes! Anyone who invites me to a church wedding/baptism/funeral is gonna be a friend who knows I’m an atheist, so they know what they’re getting. A few years ago I attended a friend’s installation as vicar of her new parish, and she reserved a front-row seat for me - in a circular church. Mind you, she invited her pagan friends along as well!
The only services I have a real problem with are funerals. When a dear friend and a good person dies, and all you get is a load of gumph about the fictitious “sacrifice” of a mythical chacter, part of a ludicrous narrative about a loving and all-powerful “god” only being able to spare us from eternal torture in return for a blood sacrifice, I really want to shout something!
Great question(s). Your attendance is sufficient. You need not bow when asked. Kneel when asked. You do not need to adopt the behavior of the “locals,” since they are the ones that believe that their behaviors make a difference.
Adopting specific ritual behaviors would seem unwarranted.
As for Communion: Why would you receive it? You don’t really believe in the concept. You know that the Catholic position is that NON-Catholics should not receive it. So, receiving is some kind of rebellion that doesn’t prove anything. Pointless. Skipping communion achieves a basic statement: I am here, I am not Catholic, and I don’t particularly value your ritual… and there is no reason I should feel guilty for doing so.
The most important thing is to respect others’ beliefs as well. If you dont like church, dont go to begin with. But if you do end up in a church do what all the others in there do.
Behave in a way you feel comfortable, but nevertheless respect other’s feelings and their point of view. It may be difficult in specific situation. You shouldn’t feel forced to kneel down to pray but also shouldn’t offend other’s belief.
I have declined to take communion in a Catholic service every time but one. I respect that they don’t want me to do it.
In that one case, I knew that my friend that had just died would have wanted me to take it because she was a radical Catholic who disagreed with the church on a ton of things. I ate the bread and drank the wine and thought of her. And smiled.
Not really an answer, I know…
I only go to church for friends wedding when invited. I sing no songs, I say no prayers and I would never take communion. I went to one baptism to support a friends and will never go again.
Personally, I stand or sit when applicable. In hymnals, I always read the lyrics before the lines are actually sung. If the lyrics aren’t too objectionable, I might even try to sing it.
You should respect other people’s beliefs, otherwise you would not have right to expect them to respect yours. If you are in church, you should knee when all other knee. Fold your hands when other fold. Do not sing if you don’t know the words and melody, but when you can, why not to sing? Never take communion, since it is even thought to be a great offence if a catolic takes communion, when he have heavy sins. Remember you are not invited on wedding, funeral etc. to offend someone!
Remember that it is all nonsense. It’s like going to a mummers performance at a renaissance faire - they want you to join in on the fun, and it doesn’t hurt to do so.
Remember that praying is nonsense and makes no difference one way or another, it’s like pretending to talk to your six year old’s invisible friend, you’re just having fun with the play along.
Remember that singing religious songs is exactly like singing non-religious songs since there’s NO substance whatsoever to what they’re singing about.
Remember that standing or sitting on cue is also nonsense.
So, given that it’s all nonsense and silly, and that it isn’t catching, feel free to do whatever you want. Me, I stand and sit as cued and sing along (thats a bit of religious persecution right there on my part) and I don’t bow my head or pray along… but I might join hands if the girl next to me is cute.
Honestly though, I don’t see the harm in playing along some. It’s not as if any part of it is more ‘real’ than a live-action role playing game or dinner theater. Again, it’s not contagious to the informed.
I personally either stay outside of the Church or sit at the back as I wish not to partecipate. I came from a family of atheists, so we generally sit at the back all together.
On a side-note: you should make it clear that you do not wish to participate to religious ceremonies if you feel uncomfortable doing so - what would a Hinduist do? Atheists are no more Christians than people affiliated with other religions.
Respect the people, respect the beloved ones, but don’t respect the believe. On a funeral, when a friend of mine died, I respected the family who made a catholic ceremony, and went in there. I sat down and stood up, but I didn’t get on my knees, nor did I pretend to pray or sing.
In modern times people have to face the fact that more and more persons are nonbelievers. They don’t own the dead person. They may share their ceremony with you, and should respect that you don’t participate in symbols of repression, and magic theater.
Don’t take bread and wine for the same reason. It’s not disturbing.
If they are too delicate, they should tell you before what they expect you to do and whether they would prefer you to stay outside.
But maybe the cults and cultures differ too much from religion to religion, from country to country, from city to land. Ask them, but keep in mind that you will get a single, personal opinion. When in doubt, do as I do. :)
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