cultural-identity, deconversion, adviceSubjective question, yes, but I think we might get some good answers on how to deal with this frequently encountered question.
I cannot count the number of times I have heard this question in conversation with people who find out I am a former Catholic seminarian, training to be a priest, and now a non-believer.
What is the best response when encountering someone who thinks that to become an atheist you must have been traumatized, or had some “road out of Damascus” experience?
When a question is inherently offensive, or presumptuous the first rule is to challenge it with a question.
Here you’re consciously flipping the table, suddenly the asker is now in the place to answer why they’d think something negative, or traumatic would have occurred. From here you’re in the position of power to decide whether to go offensive (just a term), or play defense. I could see wanting to follow it up with:
Remember facts, science, thinking, probability, reason, logic are all insulting claims: no one wants to be told any of the above weight in against them. Candy coat things and stay firm if your goal is to converse with laypeople. Personally, I find the metaphor, analogy and counter-questions to be better tools than mere declarative statements. You’re more likely to provoke thought, and less likely to offend.
“I read the Bible” - this way you’re returning the hidden insult that was in “What happened to you?”
Or
“I read ‘The God Delusion’ “ - even if it isn’t true, by saying it you’ll create an additional chance that the person will read the book
I’d answer “I’ve become wiser”.
It’s not supposed to be offensive, it just states that you’ve gained some knowledge or experience, which allowed you to rethink your world view.
UPDATE: Surely, I’d explained what caused me to be come an atheist, maybe I would even proselytize atheism as I often do.
I got better….
You could always be a wise-ass and reply something like “Well, I was born without any beliefs. I tried to check some of them later on, but wasn’t convinced, so I decided to drop any belief in God/religion, Santa, unicorns, etc.”
I recognize that this answer really only works for ex-Christians, but you’ve got a ready-made response in the tale of the prodigal son. Since the wayward son (as opposed to the one who didn’t question things) in that story is the one who was rewarded, you could liken yourself to him, at least for the purposes of the start of your spiritual journey. In your case, the journey led you away from god.
Even without a Jesus parable at hand, using phrases like “soul searching” and “spiritual journey” – for all their religious connotations – may work well for you. That you landed here is yours personally, and if they truly want you to share important milestones along the way, you would. It didn’t need to be traumatic, but if you started out faithful, something must’ve triggered your path.
Read Godless, by Dan Barker. His journey began when he moved to a new congregation where not everyone took the garden of Eden story literally.
I would say: “yes, I used to be a believer, but before that, I was an atheist”.
I would then go on to explain that all of us are born as atheists (“you too”, I would point out); most of us are then brainwashed into becoming religious. And only a few are able to take the blue pill (was it the blue one?) to wake up and come back to our original state of clean, natural, evidence-loving, sweet atheists.
I used to respond to this by explaining my “deconversion” story, but it didn’t seem from people’s reactions that they really wanted the truth. They were looking for something to latch onto so they could tell me that “what happened to me” didn’t justify my becoming an atheist. When they didn’t get the answer they were looking for, they’d either decide to be offended or just say nothing. A close friend of mine wanted to have what she called a respectful dialog on the differences in our beliefs, but when I wrote my story and emailed it to her, I didn’t hear from her again. I guess she was offended that my deconversion story basically came down to education and knowledge. So now, I’ll just say “What happened to YOU that made YOU a believer?” That takes them by surprise. Actually, their responses sometimes take me by surprise, too. I find out that many of them are not really the believers they allow others to think they are!
What is the best response when encountering someone who thinks that to become an atheist you must have been traumatized, or had some “road out of Damascus” experience?
Remind them that some people have never had religion; they have always been atheists. I started Sunday School at age four and never ever believed the bible stories they told me. Fair enough, there was no real thought behind my disbelief - I was too young to weigh up the evidence and come to a logical decision, but Jesus walked on water? A snake talked to Eve? An angel talked to Mary? I wasn’t falling for that rubbish.
My response to that would be, “I opened my eyes”
The truth is often a good answer.
Or:
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